our understanding grew over time.

so, i guess it doesn't really matter, even if it has to take awhile.

we will get there, someday :)

就算生命像尘埃

如果我可以喜欢男生的话，我一定会喜欢你。

好看，聪明，有才华，有思想，有艺术天份，感性。和你交谈一点压力也没有，其实根本是舒服的让我想把所有的心事都告诉你。

好奇怪的想法。

*

距离上一次踏上飞机离开这个地方已经有好几个月。

已经在幻想下一次的逃离。

虽然已不记得想逃离什么。

光

喜歡早晨的光 飽滿 光滑 簡單 漂亮 沒有重量
我隨手拿起相機 尝试抓到一些光 一些表情 一種溫度

時間 在光的作用下
即時變得無效。

还好

还好我们遇上。
还好天气不错。
还好我们还有时间。
还好，还好。

(i'm glad i met you)

*

那天看A Single Man看到心脏差点暴开，
尤其是那场两个人脱光衣服半夜跳进海里游泳的戏，
害得我情绪久久不能平息。

我追求的就是那样激烈狂热的人生。

我觉得一定要那么深刻的活着，
才能真正体会到生命的本质。

那晚我清楚的感觉到自己的血液在身体里流动着。

其实我真正喜欢的是那种心脏差点暴开的感觉。

*

我真的没有办法明白一些事情。

比如说，如果我关心你的话，为什么就不直接表达出来呢？

先把自己放下，真的有那么困难吗？

suddenly

i think she's so beautiful in her own way.

magnetic

you're kinda special. no particular reason, just special.

special enough for me to take the extra effort, to go the extra step.

extremely slpy. and tired. my days fly past for some reason.

i think i spend much of my days "figuring out" what i really want in life. as time goes by, as i keep moving forward, i am beginning to come to some conclusions... but of course, the figuring out never ends.

anw, did i mention how much i LOVE getting paid to write? it's awesome. bring it on!

watched A Single Man yesterday.

so many things ran through my head as i sat there, the beautiful images exploding before my eyes.

"There were a few moments in my life when I lived with absolute clarity, and everything began to seem so sharp and fresh...."

i have a bad memory and cannot remember lines accurately, but george falconer, towards the end of the movie, did say something like that.

i think it was the end of the movie that really got to me.

also, i never knew colin firth could be this charming.

damn i need to watch this movie again and feel my heart inflate with hope and something that i have no words for. i suppose this is why we will always need cinema.

8273

我觉得自己必须开始取得收支平衡。付出多少就得到多少。没有想念，没有用力，没有什么。每天照常起床上班工作听音乐。每天走过一些熟悉的场景时就停下来，深呼吸一下，然后继续上路。不会很困难。时间飘荡。我只是很努力的往前移动。有时候却让我想起我们小时候常在游泳池里玩比赛跑步的游戏，即使花尽全身力气，却哪里也没有去。

就是在那个时候发现，原来浸在水里太久，手和脚的皮会开始皱起来。

bondage

i need too much freedom, in both life and relationships. and perhaps a little bit more solitude than usual. i need to be able to run away from you when it gets tiring. i need some kind of relief from constant connection. of all things in life, i do not want bondage.

slept the whole day away. how did i do it??

i will go to bed soon again, so i can wake up early tomorrow. i hate to miss the early morning light.

elliot smith afternoon

my room smells of beer and sleep. and this city, it smells of heat, and people.

there is nothing to anchor me, only a few desperate dreams.

i need a cup of coffee. not for the caffeine, but for the familiar comfort of holding a cup between my hands, and the warmth that later ensues.

there is a song for afternoons like this.

诚实

房间很凌乱，就像这些日子一样。

我只想认真的告诉你一些事情。


*

for diya, who has never heard of kings of convenience.



She'll be gone soon
You can have me for yourself
She'll be gone soon
You can have me for yourself

But do give
Just give me today
Or you will just scare me away

What we built is bigger
Than the sum of two
What we built is bigger
Than the sum of two

But somewhere
I lost count of my own
And somehow
I must find it alone

24 and blooming like the fields of May
25 and yearning for a ticket out

Dreams burn
But in ashes are gold
Dreams burn
But in ashes are gold

and i began to understand

I go down.
Rung after rung and still
the oxygen immerses me
the blue light
the clear atoms
of our human air.
I go down.
My flippers cripple me,
I crawl like an insect down the ladder
and there is no one
to tell me when the ocean
will begin.

- Diving into the Wreck, Adrienne Rich

something abt the delicate truth of simply going through the days, breathing, working, walking, putting one leg ahead of the other, walking, walking.......

it's so clear, sometimes, that i should leave. that we should leave. that perhaps there is a place that can contain us. we're so petty, so tiny, yet we're so arrogant and so demanding.

i'm not so sure how, but i think i will have it all figured out along the way, somehow.

the days are so bright in the morning and so dreary at night. the hopefulness and the desperation are always there, one after the other.

每个人都知道

下雨的城市总是格外的迷人，这个每个人都知道。

环游世界太久会开始想家，这个每个人都知道。

美丽的女人让人疼惜，这个每个人都知道。

太快乐会流泪，这个每个人都知道。

他其实很寂寞却从来都不敢对谁说，这个每个人都知道。

天使遗失了翅膀后就再也回不去天堂，这个每个人都知道。

一场轰轰烈烈的恋爱结束之后（即使是伤痕累累）却还是希望再来一次，这个每个人都知道。

世界上的罪恶太多，快乐太少，这个每个人都知道。



我们只是知道。

知道过后，继续生活，继续麻木。

科学

可能科技会越来越发达，不到200年我们就能穿越时空、随时删除记忆、长生不死，可能还可以按个按钮就能整个人钻进网路，穿梭在网页与网页之间。哦，不好意思，到时应该有比网路更先进的玩意了吧。可能每个人脑袋里都装进一个microchip，就能直接在脑里上网了。请不要说不可能。这可是个物理学理论每天被推翻的奇异世界。

到时我们吃饭旅行娱乐谈恋爱的方式将彻底改革，真的是无法想像那会是一个怎样的世界。

只希望他们不会也把我们的心脏给电子化或装上什么3G。

you said,
i wish we didn't leave the rose behind,
but i said,
that's all we have,
so little,
so late.

上帝如果真的存在

假如有一天被证实我们真的不只是一群细胞而已，而我们的存在真的超越科学所能理解 - 也就是说，如果有人来到我面前，认真地告诉我，上帝的存在这件事可是千真万确，他是一切的造物者，你的生命是他给予你的，所以的谜底终于被揭开 - 我想我会喜极而泣。

observing the fragility

i like to write about people i meet.

friends, or strangers, or people i pass by on the streets, people i share a look with, people i will never meet again.

i like to observe the subtle connections between people. the split moments in between a smile or a glance, or the accidental slip of an expression, or that accidental affectionate look in someone's eyes. it's beautiful. these moments make up life.

the first few times i met you, i already found you attractive in a way that i find girls like you attractive. seldom does it mean anything, always just a passing sense of, oh, you're a lovely sort of girl. but then i never had much to say to you, possibly because i never had much to say to anyone i don't know intimately enough anyway. so time passes and that's that.

that's the thing about life. some things happen and some things don't. you can't cry over them or regret, because that's the way it is.

加油

可以说是害怕 害怕这种平凡的生活 所以好像赶火车一样 十万火急 恨不得马上逃离 每天都忙得云头转向 为网站为报章写稿 和朋友一起筹备出书 一边策划自己的品牌super youth(很想利用这个来做自己最想做的事 包括出版与出自己的t shirts等） 有太多的事做 有时候觉得头脑快炸开 记性又差 很累可是又充满期待

i woke up feeling disoriented and heavy.
i dont remember the dreams i had.
most likely it was just darkness,
and i was alone with my soul.

what do i want and how do i achieve them -
these are the central questions of my life at the moment.

i want to live with much more clarity.

很faye wong

大约那个时代

花
写一首诗来纪念你透过指尖所可以传达给我的历史 是多么的沉重 幻想如果我们正穿梭于一九五o年代的纽约街头 janis joplin呐喊式的激烈摇滚乐将是我们之间最不可告人的秘密 你耳朵旁的花朵象征着那个时代的和平与解放 当然还有你自身的解放 所以后来穿梭时空回到2010年时 我们变得无法适应这个时代的混浊与可恶

流行
这个时代已不流行抽烟 但你抽烟的样子好迷人 眼神怎么那么坚定漂亮 像一副画 可惜我没有艺术天份

Baker
小号所发出的声音隐约透露哀伤 是累积了多年的一股悲伤 从黑人开始用蓝调来唱出他们的难过 到底隔了多长一段时间 我想也无从去计算了 历史是无法用数字计算的

走
游走于各个城市变成我们的逃难方式 所以才会出现一个唱着这样的歌的一个人。。。 "I'm on a flight to San Francisco / 平静看着茫茫前路 / 不需急促" 当然还有那句经典的 "This morning I'm leaving New York / A place of letting go / A place for moving on...."

听风的歌

Start - Depapepe



说不出话来时就保持沉默吧，我会陪着你一起安静的过日子，什么也不要说，什么也不用说，只是坐在那里听风唱歌，就够了

明年之前

今年要去日本
今年要赚钱
今年要实践梦想
今年要挖掘自己
今年要出书
今年要诚实
今年要好好的拍照
今年要用心的写作
今年要看多一点好电影
今年要超努力
今年要在明年来临之前被我认真的挥霍掉

no more digital

i have decided, i will never buy an expensive lens again. i dislike the smooth texture of expensive lenses, unless it's fashion photography. i dislike the fakeness. i dislike the perfection. i dislike the lifelessness.

i am surprised by my strong feelings for this, but yes. it makes me... pissed off.

oh i am so drowsy from panadol extra.

overheard

"we're all trying to escape from some place in one way or another."

ah gong

light

i like to shoot against the sun, just to see it explode into a burst of light on my photographs when i get them back from the lab.

曝光 / over-exposure

照片冲洗出来都有点曝光。

有一点刺眼，有一点太过鲜艳，或许就像我们的青春一样，总是拿捏不当，但却又如此精彩。

不管是好的坏的忧伤的令人快乐的我们应该都承受得起。

我真的好想每天都过着这种有点曝光的人生。

你呢？

气象报告

今天，整个城市下起了微雨，温度也终于开始降低。

这几个星期以来的干旱很不自然。

仿佛世界已悄悄地起了某种变化，而我们再也不可能回到以前那样。

最近很忙碌，忙着工作，忙着生活，忙着学习。还有，忙着逃离这可怕、有规律的生活。上班的日子其实不错，只是，我的自我性太强烈，只要不是在做自己发起的东西就觉得是在浪费时间与生命，所以拼命地做很多事情，希望很快又可以恢复独立身份。祝我好运！

还有很多话想说，可是最近时间越来越不够用。

希望明天也会下雨。因为下雨的日子让人感到安心。

GIRL / BOY

"GIRL / BOY" is a documentary photography project exploring the idea of androgyny and the modern blurring of gender boundaries.

I am currently looking for female, androgynous-looking subjects.

If you're interested in being part in this project (i.e. getting photographed / or any other way you can think of?), please email me at shini[at]casualpoet.com.