an inexplicable attraction

c says i am a very confused person, even more confused than her friend k, who is already a very confused person. i have no choice but to agree with her. i AM a bloody confused person. i nv know what i want. damn, i cant even figure out if i like someone or don't like someone. you'd think that such things are supposed to be pretty clearcut, but no, not to me, the person who is more confused than k.

how do u know if u like someone? ur heart starts beating a tad too fast when she's around. everything she does is cute. u cant think of anything abt her that irritates u. u dont get tired of seeing her. u dont get sick of her jokes. u want to buy her little things like cookies and CDs. when u watch a movie together u find urself unable to concentrate, even if the movie is avatar. u care abt her life and want to listen to her. u look in her eyes and feel ur heart squeeze a little.

but what if u experience none of the above and yet still feel a strange attraction to the person? its like being sick, but without the symptoms. u dont experience rapid heartbeats or sweaty palms beside the person, but still u are strangely drawn to her. its a mix of curiosity and.... i dont know what. like metal that gets attracted to magnet naturally. its all so natural that u cant resist it, yet u are unable to figure out the science of it all. its almost like being in a murakami short story.

thats exactly how im feeling right now. haha.